The Inner Cycle That Keeps Repeating

Most people struggle because they “don’t know what to do.”

They struggle because the same inner cycle keeps repeating, quietly, predictably, and no one ever taught them how to recognise it, let alone work with it.

This cycle sits underneath cravings, addictions, emotional eating, impulsive behaviours, and even patterns like overworking, scrolling, shopping, or constantly starting and stopping health plans.

Once you can see it clearly, something important shifts: the problem stops feeling personal or shameful, and starts making sense.

The Beginning of the Cycle: Discomfort

Every cycle starts the same way.

An uncomfortable feeling arises.

It might be emotional, stress, loneliness, frustration, boredom, sadness, disappointment, or rejection.

It might be physical, fatigue, tension, restlessness, emptiness, agitation or pain.

Or it might be a vague sense of “something’s not right” that’s hard to name.

Often this discomfort is triggered by something external, a conversation, a memory, a situation, but just as often it comes from within. Old emotions, unmet needs, or long-held patterns surface quietly in the body.

At this point, nothing has gone wrong. Discomfort is part of being human.

The problem isn’t the feeling, it’s what happens next.

The Urge: Reaching For Relief

When discomfort builds and the system doesn’t know how to stay with it, an urge appears.

The urge is always toward relief.

That relief might look like:

Sugar, food, alcohol
Shopping, scrolling, gambling, buying the next holiday
Overworking, fixing, controlling
Withdrawing, numbing, avoiding
Any behaviour or substance that temporarily eases pressure

This isn’t weakness. It’s intelligence, just not always in a helpful direction.

Something inside is trying to restore balance. It’s trying to soften the discomfort, calm the nervous system, or create a sense of ease, even if only for a moment.

And often, it works, briefly.

The Release: Temporary Easing

Once the person gives in to the urge, there’s usually a short-lived sense of relief.

The pressure drops.
The tension eases.
The mind quiets, even if only slightly.

For a moment, the system feels more settled.

This is why the cycle is so powerful. The behaviour is reinforced because it does help, temporarily.

But the relief doesn’t last.

The Critic: Judgement Arrives

Sooner or later, sometimes immediately, sometimes hours or days later, another inner voice enters.

The critical one.

It might say things like:

“Why did you do that again?”
“You’re hopeless.”
“You’ve just spent the money you don’t have”
“You always ruin everything.”
“You’ll never change.”

This inner critic often believes it’s helping, motivating, correcting, pushing for better behaviour but the impact is the opposite.

The harsher the critic, the heavier the emotional fallout.

Guilt and Shame: The Fuel of Repetition

After the critic comes guilt.

And often, shame.

Guilt says, “I did something wrong.”

Shame says, “There’s something wrong with me.”

These feelings are deeply uncomfortable, especially if a person already struggles to sit with difficult emotions.

And so the system looks for relief again.

Another urge appears.

Another attempt to escape discomfort.

The cycle repeats.

This is why simply “trying harder” rarely works. The cycle feeds itself, not because someone lacks discipline, but because the system is caught between discomfort, temporary relief and self-attack.

Why This Cycle Shows Up in Cravings and Addictions

Cravings are not random. They are signals.

They usually arise when:

the nervous system is overloaded
emotional capacity is stretched
the body is tired, under-fuelled, inflammed or dysregulated
old emotional patterns are activated

Sugar cravings, emotional eating, alcohol reliance, compulsive behaviours, they’re often attempts to regulate something deeper.

And when those attempts are followed by harsh self-judgement, the system learns that discomfort is dangerous and must be avoided at all costs.

So it keeps reaching for relief.

Step One: Recognising The Pattern

The first step isn’t stopping the behaviour.

It’s noticing the pattern.

This might look like gently asking:

What usually comes before the urge?
What feeling, sensation, or situation tends to trigger it?
What does the behaviour give me in that moment?

There’s no need to analyse endlessly or judge the answers. Awareness alone starts to loosen the cycle.

When a person can say, “Ah, this is the pattern again,” they’re no longer fully inside it.

Step Two: Learning to Stay, Just a Little Longer

The second step is learning how to be with discomfort, not perfectly, not forever, just a little longer than before.

This doesn’t mean forcing yourself to “sit with it” or pushing through pain.

It might mean:

Pausing for 30 seconds before acting
Noticing where the feeling lives in the body
Naming the sensation without trying to fix it
Taking a few slow breaths and staying present

Often the most important shift is realising that discomfort rises and falls on its own.

It doesn’t need to be escaped immediately.

This capacity, to stay with what’s uncomfortable, grows gradually. It’s a skill, not a personality trait.

Healing is Relational, Not Forceful

Lasting change doesn’t come from fighting urges or silencing the critic.

It comes from changing the relationship between awareness, discomfort, and relief.

When the system feels met rather than attacked, it doesn’t need to shout so loudly.

Cravings soften.

Impulses lose urgency.
The critic quietens.

This is because the system found another way to restore balance.

A Gentle Invitation

If you recognise yourself in this cycle, know this: there is nothing wrong with you.

You’re not broken.
You’re not failing.
Your system is doing its best with the tools it has.

Healing starts with understanding and with learning how to bring more harmony between body, emotions, and awareness. Healing is about improve these inner relationships.

If you’d like support exploring your own patterns and learning how to work with them, gently, safely, and sustainably, you’re welcome to book an appointment.

Sometimes the most powerful change begins not with doing more, but with finally understanding what’s been happening all along.

Isabel Peace

Isabel Peace is an Integrative Health Practitioner with a special interest in metabolic health, emotional and trauma-informed healing, women’s hormonal balance and fertility, and the care of complex, chronic conditions.

Her work brings together nutrition, acupuncture, and Chinese herbal medicine with somatic and evidence-based mind–body approaches, including Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, and TIST. Through this integrative and compassionate approach, Isabel supports her patients to regulate their nervous system, improve metabolic flexibility, and restore balance across physical, emotional, and hormonal health.

Isabel’s focus is on sustainable, respectful healing, helping people move out of survival patterns and into greater stability, clarity, and long-term wellbeing.

Read more information about Isable Peace. Read about Isable’s background from here.